There's Nothing Left
by TheDarkPassengerInside
Summary: How 4x06 I thought it would be. I will probably write how the next episodes would be as well. Warning: angst. Main characters: Merlin, Morgana, Arthur  It's not slash  maybe it's implied
1. Chapter 1

The rocks fell so fast and Merlin barely managed to hide into a cave. _God, that was close, _he thought. _But then again I could have used magic to stop the rocks from falling. But then again, flying rocks would be a hard thing to explain to Arthur and his knights. Would I really die to keep my secret safe?I have to see this through in some point, I guess. I mean I am certain that I would reveal my secret to save Arthur, but when it's about me…A different case. I guess that's because I am afraid that if Arthur find out that I've got magic –especially that his father's death is so fresh- he's going to kill me before I can explain who I am. _

"So long Merlin." A voice brought Merlin back to reality. He flinched as he recognised who that voice belonged to.

"Morgana." Merlin whispered, without bothering turning around.

"I am guessing you are so proud, that now your precious Arthur is king. He brought a big war to Camelot, I heard." She smirked.

Merlin turned around, and gave her a mocking smirk. "Which war has nothing to do with you, I suppose."

"How could I possibly start a war Merlin? But I think the real question is how you manage to stop me every single time." She said in a low study voice.

"What can I say? I am really skilful." Merlin replied tiredly. The last thing he needed at that moment was Morgana.

"I can see that. It took me a long time to realise that, but…" she stopped talking, just to cast a spell and through Merlin to the ground. "You really are a thorn in my side, aren't you Merlin?"

Merlin realized the danger he was in. She could just kill him. If he used his magic now and didn't work, then she would know and that was….

"Just kill me to get it over with" he muttered.

"Kill you? I am not gonna kill you. I am not gonna kill my best piece in the game Merlin." Morgana said smirking.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you are going to kill Arthur, of course. What else?"

"Right."

"You don't believe me? Well, you will. After a little…trick." She said, getting closer to Merlin as he was crawling back to avoid her.

_She's going to enchant me. Oh, God, what do I do with that? How can I avoid…? God, please, no. I don't want to kill him._

"Don't worry my dear, you won't care after what I am going to do to you." The witch said and casted her enchanting spell.

When, Merlin woke up, he felt…different. His head was hurt, and he was dizzy, but he wasn't scared or sad. Why would he be?

He looked around. He was still in the cave, with Morgana. She was sitting beside him now, playing with a feather, or whatever that was.

"What did you do?" he asked, stroking his head.

"I took away all of your emotions. I think you'll fulfil your mission better that way." Morgana replied smirking.


	2. Chapter 2

When, Merlin woke up, he felt…different. His head was hurt, and he was dizzy, but he wasn't scared or sad. Why would he be?

He looked around. He was still in the cave, with Morgana. She was sitting beside him now, playing with a feather, or whatever that was.

"What did you do?" he asked, stroking his head.

"I took away all of your emotions. I think you'll fulfil your mission better that way." Morgana replied smirking.

Merlin smirked back. "And why in the hell should I do that?"

"Why the hell not?" she asked mimicking Merlin's voice, testing the success of her enchantment.

"You want me to kill the King. In case you don't know, I am his manservant. I can have anything I want. At least more than leaving hidden in the woods, like you."

Morgana grinned as she got the response she wanted. Well, close enough. "What would you say if I promised that could offer you, something more that being the King's servant boy? What if I could promise you a place to the court, or who knows something even more?"

"I would say that I don't believe you. I tried to kill you Morgana. I don't think you will make me anything more than dead, even if you become queen." Merlin replied flatly.

"Don't you think that if I wanted you dead, you would be dead a long time ago?" she confessed.

Merlin shrugged. "Either way, if you want me to do your dirty work, I want something more than a promise."

"So we are agreed on the offer, we are just discussing the price." Morgana said to confirm.

"Apparently."

"So you don't care. If Arthur is dead or not."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Why would I? I actually think….I think I should care, but I just…don't. Strange. Oh, well, what can you do?"

Morgana sighed and smiled. Finally, after a long time, things were going her way.

"Right now, I can't give you anything more than a promise Merlin." Morgana said.

Merlin took a moment to see this through. Morgana would bring magic back to Camelot. Which means that he wouldn't have to hide who he was. Besides, he could ensure his place on the court, God even in the throne, by enchanting her. He could marry her and then kill her. She probably liked him anyway, cause, as she said, he was still alive even though he tried to kill her and he messed up almost all of her plans. Why did he do that anyway? What was the point? And why in the hell hadn't he thought of what he could gain from Morgana before.

"Well, ok." He muttered.

Morgana got up, with her lips set in a triumphant smile. She couldn't believe that she was so close on getting what she deserved. But she quickly pulled herself together. She didn't want to get excited so she wouldn't be disappointed if this didn't work out.

"I am glad, we are agreed." She said giving him her hand, to close the deal. Merlin did the same.

"Any preferences my Lady?"

"Excuse me?"

"I am sure Arthur's death is one of your biggest dreams. So, I suppose that you would have a specific way of dying, in your mind."

Morgana gasped. Even her, was surprised by how Merlin had changed. He seemed much smarter than he was before and much more less annoying.

"I would love to kill him myself, but I think getting killed by his so- trusted manservant, would be satisfying enough. I don't care how you kill him as long as he knows that you want him dead and you are working for me." She said slowly, like she was thinking it through at this moment. "Oh. A piece of advice. Don't let anyone know how you don't…feel."

Merlin rolled his eyes. She was so desperate to take revenge for being an outcast and not her father's favourite that caused her all these trouble. If she was more realistic, logical and smart she could have won. She was right about not showing that he had changed though. He could prevent that he was still Arthur's friend and everyone's favourite, like he pretended to be a fool all this time. He couldn't possibly believe that he was in pain so many times, because people died, Arthur was in danger and he was afraid of what Arthur would have thought, if he found out that he was a sorcerer. Now, he was feeling so much better. His mind was sharp as ever and he wouldn't bother to sacrifice anything for anyone. He felt so good. "All right." He finally muttered and turn around to leave, adding "If you don't keep your part of the deal…just don't cross me."

Even though, Morgana couldn't possibly think that Merlin was powerful enough to kill her, his voice was so cold that made her, silently nodded.

* * *

><p>"Just help me move these rocks ok?" Arthur asked, struggling to keep his voice straight. What if Merlin wasn't fast enough to run away? What if he was….No. He didn't want to think of that. Even though he would probably never admit that out loud, only the thought of Merlin being dead was unbearable.<p>

"We can't just move the rocks, sir" Leon said hesitentantly. "It is impossible."

Arthur looked at him for a second and sighed. He was right. But he couldn't just stand there and do nothing, while Merlin could be seriously hurt or even worse.

"We can just go around and check if he's…there." Gwaine suggested.

Arthur nodded. "You go and check and I will wait here in case…In case he somehow managed to get out, or if I hear anything."

Percival decided to stay with the king and the other knights left, all wishing that Merlin would be there.

"Merlin!" Arthur yelled, hoping to get some kind of response. But nothing, happened. Why the hell did he feel so scared? _If he's dead, I would be alone. I know that. He's the only real friend I've got. I mean, I have Gwen, but that is totally different. _Merlin had helped him through his darkest hours like nobody else did. He was willing to die for him, without second thought. He was his best friend, but he wouldn't admit that out loud. But maybe he should have, because maybe now it's too late_. He _wanted to say how much he was appreciating all of Merlin's support and his silly jokes that always made him feel better. He always said 'Yeah of course Merlin is gonna be there when I feel like telling him'. But now… what if Merlin wasn't here anymore? How could he possibly deal with another death? How could he rule a kingdom, feeling so alone?_ Just, please don't be dead. _He wished.

"You really care about him, don't you?" Percival said.

Arthur had completely forgot about his presence. "He's my manservant and honestly…"

A loud noise made them both flinch. They turned their head towards the noise. Some rocks had fallen aside, leaving a thin pathway. Even though Arthur couldn't see through it, he was hoping that Merlin would come out.

And so he did. What Arthur didn't know was that the one who came out wasn't his friend anymore. Instead he would be his doom.


	3. Chapter 3

Arthur smiled in relief and before he could fully realize what he was doing, he was hugging Merlin.

"I am glad you are alive" he whispered. Merlin didn't know how to respond to this. He literally didn't. He supposed he had to feel happy as well – when he was happy that he was alive- and surprised and touched by Arthur's hug? _Hell, let's go with that,_ he told to himself. He slowly hugged Arthur back and he tried to show that he cared, as Percival was staring at them. Then Arthur suddenly realized what he was doing and pushed Merlin slightly back and cleared his thought.

"Are you ok?" the king mumbled, finding the ground really interesting.

Merlin nodded and smiled. "I am fine."

"Good. I am going to tell the others." Percival said.

"No!" Arthur snapped. Then he cleared his thought again and added "I am going. You two stay here."

Before he got any response, the young king was gone.

"How did you manage to get out alive?" Percival asked, trying not to giggle with Arthur's behaviour.

"There was a cave and I hid there. And then I move a rock and thankfully that pathway opened." Merlin replied. _God, that excuse sounds stupid. I hope he believes it otherwise I have to kill him. Then I have to find an excuse for that. Well, I could kill all of them but I am not sure I can kill them all at once and they are pretty good warriors. Damn it. Let's just hope he'll buy it._

"You are very lucky." The knight said smiling.

"Merlin!" Gwaine shouted and he hugged Merlin as well. Merlin rolled his eyes. How many times did he have to get hugs?

The other knights just putted him on the shoulder saying how glad they were that he was ok. _At least, they trust me completely. That will probably help, on finding an alibi later,_ he thought.

Arthur was strangely silent in their way back, avoiding eye-contact with anyone, like he did the most embarrassing thing in the world.

Merlin wasn't very talkative either. He didn't know what to say and he didn't want to talk to anyone. Why would he? But he had to continue acting the same, like nothing changed.

When they reached Camelot, Merlin went straight to his room. He had to think how he was going to kill Arthur without raising any kind of suspicions. There was a king coming to visit and congratulate Arthur for his coronation, so that was the perfect time. They would pr,obably blame the king, wanting to destroy Camelot.

"Merlin?" Gauis' voice distracted him.

"Yes?" he said trying his best to show that he didn't want any kind of conversation.

Gauis came in. "Is everything ok?"

"Yes, of course. Why not?"

"Well, usually when you're coming back from any kind of trip with Arthur, you are complaining. Unless something is wrong. So what is it?"

"Nothing. I just…I got nearly killed." Merlin decided to leave the most important things out.

"What? How?"

"Some rocks fell and I hid in a cave. I moved the rocks, I came out and here I am!" Merlin explained tiredly. "I think all of the knights are stupid. I mean they believe every story I tell them, no matter how ridiculous it sounds."

Gauis frowned, apparently for Merlin's comment.

"Oh come on! You know it's true. Otherwise I would have been hanged in the first week I came here." He added. Well, it was true. He was such an idiot back then. He risked his life so many times to save Arthur. And for what? A promise that he would allow magic to Camelot one day? So what? He would probably be in the same position he was now. He was such an idiot. He wasn't powerful enough to escape from the dungeons so his death would be certain.

The old man just nodded and left the room silently.

The next morning Merlin decided that he wouldn't use his magic to kill Arthur. He wouldn't take that risk either with Morgana or Arthur. The problem was that the king was a really good warrior, therefore he wouldn't be easy to kill. Well, he would never kill Merlin either, which was a great advantage. Unless he knew about Merlin's magic. _I guess, I'll never know,_ the young warlock thought_, but who cares?_ _I am gonna be wealthy._

"…and then I will come back." Arthur said. God, he was so distracted by his own thoughts that he had forgotten the king's presence, let alone that he was talking to him.

"Ok" Merlin simply said.

"Ok? Really?" Arthur gasped.

"Why? Do I have a say on what you do?"

Arthur narrowed his eyes. "No, but…never mind."

"Do you need anything else, Sir?" he asked. Merlin had already cleaned-up the whole room and the armour , in surprisingly fast and good. When Arthur let him go, Merlin decided that he had to improve his skills on fighting. With weapons of course, because his magic fighting skills were in a pretty good level. Luckily, he found Sir Leon a few steps away.

"Hey there" he greeted, trying to seem friendly.

"Hi Merlin." Leon smiled.

"I was wondering if you could…teach me how to fight better." Merlin said as innocently as he could.

"Really?" the knight goggled his eyes "How come?"

"It's about time, don't you think?"

"Of course. So umm…let's start with arrows. Do you know how to aim?" Leon asked.

_I don't need arrows to kill someone but since I decided not to use my magic… _"I don't think so."

One hour later, Merlin had no success at all on hitting the target.

"Let me show you. Again." Leon muttered tiredly. "You should hold it steadily. You should aim a little lower than the target and then, when you feel ready…" he shot the target.

Merlin gave it another try and this time it was successful. He couldn't help but grin.

Know he could easily kill Arthur tonight. And if he couldn't find a chance this night, he would kill him tomorrow in the hunting trip. One thing was for sure. Arthur will soon be dead.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank so much for the story-alerts! **

**Just to reply to a review...Of course I know that Merlin is the most powerful sorcerer, but I don't think he knows that...He underestimates himself and he hasn't still realize the extent of his power. **

**And...sorry for any grammar mistakes but English is not my first language so...**

* * *

><p>"Can I ask you something, Gaius?" Merlin asked hesitantly. He was talking a risk of exposing himself, but the old physician could be useful to him in the future as he was in the past.<p>

Gaius nodded and sat on the table, starting his dinner.

"Do you…You told me once that I was like your son, is that right?" Merlin didn't wait for a response "Well, if that's true…I would like you to trust me."

"Of course I trust you Merlin, you know that" the old man replied.

"Then you will help me without asking any questions. Please?" he said in a low voice.

Gaius narrowed his eyes. "I am not going to like that, am I?"

"Honestly? I don't know. But if you help me now, you could have a much better life than this." Merlin promised.

"I am sure that there will be a time, when things in this land are going to be better for everyone, thanks to you and Arthur of course. Where is this going Merlin?"

"I…I am not sure that Arthur is going…" Merlin paused for a moment to think this through. All his life in Camelot he believed in Arthur and the changes he would bring in Camelot, even in the new Albion. He was willing to die for him once upon a time. And Gaius knew that. Merlin himself knew that in some way what he was going to do was wrong but…what about him? What about all the risks he was taking every single day of just being in Camelot? If Arthur found out about his magic, he would probably kill Merlin, let alone making him a counsellor or giving him any great position in the court. But what if he wasn't like Uther? What if he was different like the Great Dragon said? The young warlock had doubts and that must mean something. If Morgana hadn't offer him a better life than this now, he wouldn't even think of killing Arthur. But now….

"What?" Gaius asked since Merlin remained silent for a long time.

"Never mind." He mattered. He couldn't take the risk of telling Gaius. As he couldn't take the risk of getting killed or even rejected. Merlin had to think of himself for the first time in a long time and not about other people, not about Arthur. Not about anyone but him.

"What's wrong Merlin?" Gaius asked warily. "You seem…different."

"Nothing is wrong. In fact, Gaius, I think that I am better than ever." _I am not scared, I am not worried about anyone, I am not sad, I don't feel alone anymore. I feel more powerful and smart than ever before. I guess emotions hold you back. _Merlin added in his head.

Suddenly he flinched. He realized that a moment before, he had doubts about what he was planning to do, about maybe….his morals. But now…Now he just didn't give a damn about….anything. _That's strange._

* * *

><p>Since Merlin hadn't the change to fulfil his new mission the last night, he decided to do it in the hunting trip. He and Arthur would be alone, since the knights had decided to make a contest of who was going to get the best quarry. It couldn't be more suitable time for Merlin.<p>

"Did you get everything, Merlin?" Arthur asked Merlin as they were about to leave Camelot.

"Of course. I took your arrows, a couple of knifes, some food and water…I don't think I forgot anything." Merlin said warmly.

"That's new." Arthur muttered and he started walking.

When they arrived at the spot they were a couple of days ago, Merlin made sure that there wasn't anyone else around. It was the perfect time and place to do what he had to.

"Are you hungry, Sir? We could rest here to eat something and then continue. I doubt that anyone has caught anything so don't worry about losing." Merlin suggested and before Arthur could reply he got an apple and the bread out of the bag.

"Sure. Why not?" Arthur muttered. He was slightly concerned about Merlin's distant behaviour. He expected at least a comment about their embrace, especially since Arthur always were the distant one in their friendship. But Merlin hadn't even mentioned it. He didn't even made a comment about how silly this hunting game was.

"Merlin, are you all right?" he asked.

"I am great, thank you." Merlin replied. Why does everyone think that something is wrong with me? Do I have to cry or laugh or the freaky time to prove that I am still the same person – which I am not but still…

When Arthur turned around, Merlin grabbed the chance by casting a spell, which knocked Arthur out.

After confirming that he was unconscious, Merlin with a little help of his magic, dragged Arthur to the cave and tied him up on a big rock.

* * *

><p>"Rise and shine, sleepyhead!" Merlin said in a high pitched voice, when Arthur was waking up. It took the king a few moments to realise that he was trapped. When he did he instantly tried to free himself.<p>

"Don't bother. You can't." Merlin said.

"What the hell are you doing?" Arthur snapped.

"I am ensuring my future, by I am ending yours." He replied grinning, satisfied of his answer.

"What?"

"I am going to kill you." He added.

"What the-" Arthur didn't finish his sentence. This couldn't be happening. Merlin would never…He was his best friend. He knew that. So what the hell was going on? "You are under a spell aren't you?" he thought out loud.

"Well, a spell helped me come to my senses, but…that's not a bad thing as you are implying." He responded.

"Oh my God! Morgana did this to you, didn't she?" Arthur whispered.

Merlin kneeled and came to Arthur's lever, playing with a knife. "She did nothing wrong. She helped me, in fact."

"With what?"

"She set me free." Merlin said smiling. "You see, I am more powerful than I thought I was. I think that I underestimated myself way too much. That's partly your fault."

Arthur opened his mouth to say something but Merlin didn't let him. He placed the knife against Arthur's lips to make him silent. "Hush. It's my turn to talk now." He whispered.

"Emotions hold you back. I would strongly recommend you to get rid of them." Merlin giggled "But I guess you won't have any emotions when you are dead. Anyway. What was I saying? Oh. Yeah, that you were holding me back. I have to admit that it is my fault as well. I mean I cared so much about what you would think about who I am…"

"What do you mean 'who you are'?" Arthur asked, trying to keep his face straight and not to panic.

Merlin chuckled and got up. "I am not gonna tell you that. Even though I am dying to see your face when you find out about me…I have to stick to my plan. Just in case you somehow escape –which you won't- or Morgana is watching us."

"Merlin, please…Just try to fight this, please." Arthur begged.

"Why?"

"Because this isn't you. Because you are gonna regret this…Please, just try…" Arthur said tearing up.

"Aw. Aren't you sweet?" Merlin said in a child's voice. "You think I _want _to fight this? You think I care about you?"

"Yes I do. Please, Merlin, I don't know what to do to help you…I am so sorry I didn't realized it before, so I could do something."

Merlin chuckled again and came to Arthur's lever. "How can I make it more clear for you? I DON'T-NEED-HELP!"

"Merlin…"

"Arthur." Merlin mimicked Arthur's voice. "Well, I have to admit that I am not completely enjoying this. Killing you. I still think that you will unite Albion, but…what about me? Where am I gonna be when you do that? What if you decide to kill me? What if you'll be your father's son?"

"What are you talking about? I would never kill you?" Arthur said, trying to keep his voice straight.

"Never say never. Well, enough with the chatting, don't you think? Let's get over with it." Merlin said pointing the knife against Arthur's stomach. "Goodbye, Arthur Pendragon."


	5. Chapter 5

**So sorry for not updating earlier! I watched the episode and I bet that you did to, but I didn't want to drop the story. My version is a kinda darker/angst than the actual episode, so if you don't like it don't read :) I am thinking to continue updating/continue the story, borrowing teasers and spoilers from the actual trailers. What do you think?**

**Please review :D**

* * *

><p>Suddenly Merlin fell down. Arthur flinched and looked up. Guinevere had hit Merlin in the head with something.<p>

"Guinevere!" Arthur smiled. Gwen quickly untied Arthur and helped him get up.

"Thank you." The king said. He looked down at Merlin "How did you know?"

"Gauis said he was strange and…I followed you here. We weren't sure. But…"

"He is under Morgana's spell." Arthur pointed out.

"I know…But how do we break it?" Gwen asked both Arthur and herself. "Let's tie him up and think about it, ok?" she said.

"Maybe you should be the one to break the spell." Guinevere suggested.

"What do you mean? How in the hell can _I_ break a spell?" Arthur asked looking at his manservant being tied-up and unconscious.

"When you were enchanted to Lady Vivian, _I _broke the spell." The young woman said biting her lip, remembering their kiss in the tent and how jealous she was.

"What exactly are you suggesting?" Arthur said narrowing his eyes. "Because I am not…There will be no kissing."

Gwen giggled. "I don't mean that. What I am trying to say is that the love spell was broken by your…by me. So I suppose that if Merlin remembers what you are to him, he will be normal again."

"And how exactly do I do that?"

"I don't know. Talk to him."

"Talk? I didn't know you can talk someone out of a spell!" Arthur snapped. "I am sorry."

"Well, well. What do you know?" Merlin's voice interrupted them.

"Merlin." Gwen muttered.

"Gwen." Merlin said in a low voice.

Arthur sighed and came to Merlin's level.

"I will be just outside." Gwen said and without waiting for an answer she left the cave.

"What? No don't leave me here-"

"Scared, Arthur?" Merlin asked smirking.

"Come on, Merlin. You can fight this!"

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Here we go again. I don't want to! Why is it so difficult for you to understand it?"

"Because you are my best friend." Arthur snapped. "And I know that I mean something to you too. I mean you always were so…loyal and…you were always so willing to die for me. You were always there when others weren't and…I know this isn't you."

Strangely Merlin felt something. He couldn't tell what it was, but...for a moment killing Arthur didn't feel right at all. But that moment passed as quickly as it came.

"You don't know me. I know you think you do, but you don't…I don't blame you for that, I mean…I am the one who haven't told you." Merlin confessed. His voice was warmer now, reminding Arthur his friend. The king closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Look, maybe I don't know everything about you. But what I know is that you…you are a good man. That you would do everything for your friends, which –strangely- I am part of. And I know you wouldn't kill anyone. Not on purpose. Not because you had no choice." Arthur realized that he had confessed things to Merlin that he would never have told him in other circumstances. He wasn't sure why he said those things now. He was certain that he couldn't save Merlin that way.

"I am sorry, Arthur" Merlin said in a low voice. He stayed still for a moment, having Arthur believed that this crazy idea of talking Merlin out of the spell had actually worked, but…it didn't. Merlin got up slowly. He had somehow untied himself. But how? He wasn't that strong and the ropes were too strong to cut. "You are right. I don't know…I am so sorry."

Even though Merlin seemed…sorry, somehow, Arthur was still suspicious. He stepped back, trying to figure out what to do. He couldn't call Gwen. He didn't want to risk her life in anyway. Not that Merlin could knock both of them out but still…

"Are you?" he whispered, but he wasn't sure that Merlin heard him, since his voice was too low.

"Of course. I would never hurt you." Merlin said and he stepped closer to Arthur. "The spell is broken now. Thanks to you."

Arthur stepped back but there was nowhere else to go. He had reached the end of the cave.

"Merlin…" he muttered. Arthur could clearly see in Merlin's eyes that it wasn't over. That coldness was still there. But…he didn't want…he couldn't hurt Merlin. Besides what Merlin could really do? He didn't have any weapon. Not anymore. Arthur himself had taken the knife from his hands and placed it...Where did he put the knife? On the ground…He slowly took his gaze away from Merlin who kept coming closer to him, and searched for the knife. It wasn't there. It wasn't where he had left it.

"Why can't you believe me?" Merlin asked in cold voice. "What I do, I do it for you. Always."

Merlin slowly put his arms around Arthur, hugging him. Arthur stood still. "It's really me." Merlin whispered and this time Arthur believed it. He wasn't sure why, but he did. He hugged his friend back, closing his eyes.

But then he realized he was wrong. His stomach hurt like hell. Merlin had…he had stabbed him. Arthur slowly opened his eyes, looking straight at Merlin's. "But then again…I am really good at lying. You can add this on your list of the things you don't know about me." Merlin said in his cold flat voice, as Arthur had grabbed Merlin's arms in order not to fall down. The young warlock stepped back though, letting his King kneel down and eventually fall to the ground.

Arthur wanted to say something. But he couldn't. What would he say anyway? He knew that Merlin would regret this. But…what would happen if Arthur would really die? To the kingdom…Who would take his place? Who would be king? What about Gwen? Would she find happiness, even with him or Lancelot? Arthur deep in his heart knew that Guinevere cared about Lancelot a lot. But he was dead, so was Arthur. Soon anyway. He was wounded a lot of times in his life, he had near-death experiences, but he had never felt like this before…So weak, in pain…But there was some comfort to it as well. He felt his eyes heavier as ever. He could sleep but he knew that if he did, he would die. And then….what about Merlin? He wouldn't be able to forgive himself, even thought it wasn't his fault. And how many people could he really lose? He had lost Will, Lancelot…And Arthur knew that Merlin had lost more things and people he had told him about…Arthur wanted to tell his friend that it's all right. That it wasn't his fault. But he couldn't talk. He couldn't move.

The idea of sleeping didn't seem so bad now. In fact it seemed inevitable. Arthur looked at Merlin for the last time. He was standing still, like nothing had happened. Would he be ok? Slowly the image blurred and then the darkness embraced him. He wasn't in pain anymore.

Merlin flinched like a cold drift had hit him. He felt so dizzy. He closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he felt like he was waking up from a dream. The first thing he saw was rocks. Where was he? Still in the caves with Morgana? That's was the last thing he remembered at least.

Finally he decided to look around. But he didn't have the chance to. Because he looked at the ground and froze.

"Arthur?" he muttered. Then Merlin looked at his hands, as he realized he was holding something. A knife. What in the hell was he doing with a kn- "Oh God." He let the knife fell off of his hands, which were shaking now.

"No, no, no…" Merlin slowly kneeled down, to check on Arthur. His memories were coming back. All of the things he thought, all of the things he did while he was under Morgana's spell.

Arthur was still breathing but barely. "Please don't…" Merlin muttered, trying not to cry – which was the hardest thing ever- and to figure out what do. What was the spell? Why couldn't he remember?

"Oh my God!" Gwen screamed. She had just walked in. Merlin looked at her, not being able to hold his tears anymore.

"I killed him, Gwen" he whispered.

"No you didn't…He can't be dead." She muttered staying still a few inches away from them. "I am going….I am going to bring help." She announced and started running.

Merlin looked at Arthur again. He was so pale. Merlin took a deep breath and he did his healing spell.

It didn't work. "Come on. Please."

Again. Nothing. "Please Arthur, please, please…." He was crying for real now. The idea of Arthur being dead was unbearable, let alone being the one who had killed him.

He tried again. Nothing. He leaned his head, crying and he tries one more time.


	6. Chapter 6

"Oh my God" a familiar voice made Merlin jump. Morgana.

She was standing a few inches away from Merlin and Arthur and she apparently had seen everything.

"You are a sorcerer." Merlin couldn't tell if that was a question or a statement. He was staring back at her, not knowing what to do. Things couldn't get any worse. Arthur was dying and Morgana had found out who he was. He thought of denying it but there was no point. The shock in Morgana's eyes made Merlin sure that she has no doubts.

Before Merlin realized it Morgana made a spell, throwing him in the cave's wall, away from Arthur. He had never the chance to check if his last spell had work or not. He couldn't even try again.

Morgana was staring at her brother. Her expression was hard to read, but Merlin could sense that somehow Morgana didn't want Arthur to be dead either. At least that's what he wanted to believe.

She slowly sat down, next to Arthur. She wrapped her hands around her legs and stood there for some minutes. Merlin took the chance to come closer to Arthur. The spell had work but not as well as he wanted to. The wound was still unhealed and he was still bleeding but not as much as before.

Merlin had thought how Morgana would react when she found out that he was a sorcerer as well a lot of times, but her reaction now was nothing like he had imagined. She seemed extremely calm and…betrayed? He couldn't tell for sure. Well, he didn't care that much. All he wanted was to heal Arthur.

"Why?" Morgana muttered.

Merlin just looked at her and she added. "Why are you on his side? Why didn't you tell me? Do you know how much my life would have been different if I knew?" her voice was low and trembling but Merlin could hear her anger.

"It's not my fault you took the wrong path Morgana." He said. Not the best thing he could say but he was really worried about Arthur.

"Why are you on his side?" Morgana repeated her first question since it remained unanswered.

Merlin sighed. Maybe if he told her the truth, she could change. She could be believe in Arthur and maybe he could still save her…What was he thinking? She would never go back to who she was. She was far consumed by hatred and darkness to be saved.

"He is going to be a great king. He is going to unite the lands of Albion."

"So?"

"So…It's my destiny to help him do that."

"So it's glory. That's why you are helping him?" she asked staring at her half-brother.

"What? No!"

"Why then?"

"Morgana, please…Just help me heal him." Merlin asked even though he was certain that she wouldn't.

"He doesn't know, I presume. Who you are." She paused turning her gaze on Merlin "He will kill you. Or banish you from Camelot. The moment he knows who you are he is gonna hate you, cause that's what he does. That's what Uther did and that's what Arthur is going to do."

"Arthur is nothing like Uther!" Merlin hissed. "If someone is like Uther is it's you. You are the one who can't let go of what happened in the past and move on. You are the one who punish others for your choices. Not Arthur. He will bring peace to the lands, he'll do things you haven't even imagine. He will be the greatest king of all time."

"Is that so? If he is so perfect why haven't you told him who you are?" she asked smirking. Merlin looked down. He couldn't answer that. Even to himself. "Come with me. Join me. Together we can do so much. I can built Albion. We can. Because we are the same."

"I am nothing like you." Merlin snapped.

"Oh, you are and you know it." She answered in her old-evil smirking tone.

"I am not going to join you."

Morgana's smirk faded away. "Very well then." She stood up, giving Merlin a cold dark look. "I am not sure how strong you are, but don't think I am gonna let you or Arthur to get out of this cave even if it kills me." She said through her teeth.

"Morgana, please…" Merlin begged, ready to do any magic he had to, to protect both himself and Arthur.

But then Morgana fell down.

"Gwaine!" Merlin grinned. The knight apparently had hit her in the head with the back of his sword.

"Why didn't I just kill her?" Gwaine asked himself in a low voice. Then he flinched –when he brought himself back to reality- and shouted to the other knights to come in and help move Arthur.

Merlin was still sitting on the ground, looking at his hands that were covered in blood. Arthur's blood. He didn't have time to do the healing spell again. The previous one had worked for sure otherwise Arthur would be dead. But not completely either. He could still die, if he didn't get back to Camelot soon. Fortunately, they weren't that far.

"Are you all right?" Gwaine asked, coming to Merlin's level, when the other knights were getting Arthur out.

Merlin took his eyes off of his hand for a moment and looked at his friend. "No. Not really." Then he turned his eyes on his hands again.

Gwaine sighed."Gwen told us what happened. It's not your fault." He said in a low comforting voice.

The young warlock knew that. It wasn't his fault. He didn't really want to kill Arthur. He was enchanted. But he still remembered how he felt when he was stabbing him. He show Arthur falling down and all he felt was satisfaction. But not more than the satisfaction you have when you get an extra meal. He remembered how Arthur meant nothing to him. He remembered that he felt nothing. Merlin wasn't sure that all that guilt he felt, for even having those feelings, would go away, let alone for almost killing the one who spend 5 years trying to protect.

"What are we doing with her?" Percival's voice brought him back to reality.

"I don't think we should take her with us." Merlin said. "She's dangerous." _Especially now that she knows who I am._

"We can't just leave her." Gwaine protested.

"Let's kill her then." Percival suggested.

Merlin didn't know how to respond to that. He wanted her dead because of what she had done to Arthur, but…it still didn't felt right. He stood up but he quickly fell back to the ground. He felt so dizzy and tired. Maybe that was an after-effect of the spell.

"Whoa!" Gwaine helped Merlin stand up and move out of the cave, leaving Percival and Morgana behind.

Merlin was so dizzy that he could barely walk, but Gwaine was helping him.

Gwen was with Arthur, holding his hand and whispering something to him. She was crying, which made Merlin wanted to cry as well. What if Gwen wasn't there? Who would bring help? Who would stop Morgana for killing both of Arthur and Merlin? Well, he could surely kill her- he had the power to do so- but he didn't feel like he could do anything that moment. He felt so powerless and useless for probably the first time in his life. Even when he couldn't use his magic to kill magical creatures and felt powerless before, this time was different. He didn't know exactly why, but he couldn't feel worse

"He is going to be ok, you know." Gwaine whispered to him.

"You don't know that." Merlin replied harshly. He didn't want to sound like that –Gwaine only meant to comfort him- but he was so damn worried and tired that he couldn't control the tone of his voice.

"I do. I know more stuff than you give me credit for." Gwaine replied giving him a sad smile. Merlin looked at him for a moment, trying to figure out what that was supposed to mean, but Gwaine didn't let him. "Let's get back to Camelot, shall we?" he said helping Merlin get on the horse.

"Um…I think we have a problem." Percival said hesitantly coming out of the cave.

All the knights glanced at him at the same time, giving a comical tone in the whole situation.

"She…um…Morgana is gone." He announced, stroking his hair with his left hand awkwardly.

"What do you mean she's gone?" Leon asked putting his hand on his waist.

"Um…well. She's gone. Literally. She vanished." Percival responded, like he was the one who let her go.

"You let her escape?" Leon snapped, raising his hand dramatically in the air.

"Well, to be fair, she didn't actually ask for my permission. She woke up, she looked at me and then she did…something and the next moment she was gone." Percival explained.

Leon breathed out. "Never mind. Let's get the King to Gauis."

* * *

><p>The ride home, felt like the longest ride ever. All Merlin could think – and possibly everyone- was that Arthur could die any moment now. He would be just…gone. Merlin took his eyes off of Arthur and looked at the sky. It was late afternoon and the sky was full of beautiful colours; dark blue and a redorange/yellow where the sun had just set. It wasn't too cold or too hot. The air had exactly the right temperature. All these, gave a melancholic tone in the atmosphere like some passing afternoons that you feel sad and happy at the same time, without a specific reason. Arthur had told him -when they were running away from Camelot, two or three days after Morgana had taken over the kingdom - that afternoons were his favourite time of the day. It was the one of the few things that had in common with Morgana. When she and Arthur were younger, they used to run away every now and then, to go she the sun setting in the sun. He said that '_It was sad in a way because the day had passed and we could never live the same day ever again, but it gave us hope as well, because we always knew that the sun would come out in the morning. It was like, somehow, all of our problems would disappear in the morning. We always hoped that the next day would be better. So, we always talked about our problems, complaining about Uther and stuff like that before the sun had set and we pretended that they would be gone with the sun._' Merlin wished that this would be true. He wanted to believe in that. But he couldn't. He knew that there was no getting back. Not now that Morgana had discovered his secret. But most of all he wished that Arthur wouldn't go away with the sun. _I am too melodramatic, aren't I?_ he thought, smiling a little, trying to imagine how Arthur would make fun of him, if he told him that.

Finally, they reached Camelot. Percival, Leon and Elyan carried Arthur to Gauis, with Gwen walking silently besides them, looking at Arthur. Gwaine was helping Merlin walk, a few steps behind the rest of the knights.

* * *

><p>"You should go and get some sleep." Gauis suggested or rather ordered Merlin, who was refusing to leave Arthur's chambers.<p>

"I am not going to sleep while he…I am not going to sleep without knowing he's all right. It's my fault that he is in the situation anyway." Merlin protested.

"It's not your fault, it's Morgana's. Morgana tried to kill him not you." Gauis replied "Arthur would be asleep until the morning anyway. He's going…He's probably going to be all right. Just go to sleep and if anything happens, I am going to wake you up I promise."

Merlin sighed. He was too tired and dizzy that he had to lie down at least. "All right. You have to promise me though that if anything happens, anything, you are going to wake me up, ok?"

"I promise." Gauis said giving an encouraging smile to Merlin.

Merlin went straight to bed, without even bothering changing his clothes. The moment he lied down, he felt in a dreamless sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**I am sorry for the late delay. I am far behind from the show, but I will catch up with the major events (like Gwen), in my POV...**

**I borrowed a quote from House, just so you know xD**

* * *

><p>Arthur woke up a day later, but to him seemed like he was sleeping for years. He didn't open his eyes right away. He just wanted to stay like this for a while, to process what had happened, before he could face whatever was waiting for him. He wasn't in that bloody cave, that was for sure.<p>

But how in the hell was he still alive? He was stabbed. In the stomach. That usually –not usually, always- kills people. So why in the hell could he still breathe?

And what had happen to Merlin? Was he still under Morgana's spell? Was he even alive?

He had to know, so Arthur finally decided to open his eyes. He was in his room. The fire place was open and he saw Gwen sleeping in a chair next to him, resting her head to her one hand, while her other hand was reaching at Arthur's.

He tried to move, but he moaned instead, which woke Gwen up.

"Arthur?" she said smiling and getting up quickly. "How…does it hurt?"

"A bit. But I'm fine. I think." Arthur said weakly. "What happened?"

Gwen's face darkened. She opened her mouth a couple of times but she regretted every time. "Don't you remember?" she asked finally.

"I know what happened. I mean…" _Why am I still alive?_ "How did I get here?" he asked instead.

"I brought help. Thank God they were close to the cave. Otherwise…" the young woman couldn't even say out loud the alternative.

"So…thank you." He smiled at her, which made Gwen's face light up.

"I am just glad you are ok." She said.

They stayed like that for a while, looking at each other and appreciating the fact they could do that.

"How is Merlin?" Arthur asked, breaking the silence.

Gwen flinched like she had just woken up from a dream. "Um…he's fine. I think. No, I mean he is ok, he is not under Morgana's spell, but…He's ok. He's just sleeping, I think."

Arthur nodded slightly. "Do you want me to go and see if he's awake? I have to tell Gaius that you are awake anyway." Gwen asked.

Arthur just nodded again. He was glad that Gwen knew exactly what he needed without having to say it out loud. She smiled and rushed out of the room.

Now, Arthur had to figure out what would he say to Merlin. He could guess that Merlin would be terrified of what had happened and feeling incredibly guilty. Well, Arthur would feel the same if he was in his place – thank God he wasn't- so he couldn't blame him. But he had to make Merlin believe that it wasn't anyone's fault but Morgana's and especially that it wasn't his fault. He somehow had to make it better. For Merlin, who stood beside him when no one else did. For his best friend, who had spent a whole night waiting him to mourn his father, just because he didn't want Arthur to feel alone. All this time, Merlin had never abandoned him, even in his darkest hours. Arthur owned him that. Making it better, even when it seemed impossible.

But deep down, Arthur knew that Merlin's words, back in the cave, weren't lies. Not everything at least. He always knew that Merlin was hiding something from him. They way that Merlin looked at him sometimes, like he knew something that Arthur didn't. Something that Merlin was dying to say, but he would never allow himself to do so. But why couldn't he? Arthur trusted Merlin with everything, even though he didn't always listen to what Merlin had to say –his father had played an important role to that-, even though he would never admit it out loud. The question was if Merlin trusted him as much as he did. What could be possibly so terrible that Merlin couldn't tell Arthur?

"Arthur!" Merlin's voice brought him back to reality. The manservant rushed into the room, smiling. He stopped a few steps away from Arthur's bed, with his smile fading away.

Gaius got in the room after a couple of seconds, closing the door behind him. "How are you feeling, Sir?" he asked, checking Arthur's temperature.

"It hurts when…" Arthur looked at Merlin who refused to take his eyes of off the floor. "I am fine." He said trying to make it sound true.

"Well, you are very lucky." Gaius commented, taking a look at Arthur's wound. "Drink this." The king followed the physician's order. After he advised him to stay in bed for a week, he walked out, changing glares with Merlin, who seemed really nervous.

"So…um…are…you ok?" Merlin asked, still staring at the floor.

"I've been worse." Arthur replied. "You?"

"Me? I am fine." he slowly turned his gaze from the floor to Arthur. "Arthur I am so sorry! I would never…Morgana did something to me. I couldn't control what I was doing. I mean I did control my actions and I wanted them at the time but…that wasn't me you know that don't you? I am so sorry."

"Merlin…"

"I can't imagine what would have happen if Gwen wasn't there, if my…If she it wasn't for Gwen, you would be….And it would be my fault. God, I am so sorry. I should have…I should have done something. But I couldn't…" Merlin was talking incredibly fast.

"Merlin!"

"When I realized what I had done and that I couldn't fix it...God! And I couldn't stop Morgana. She's still out there, more powerful than ever I believe. What if Gwen wasn't there? Only the thought of you being dead is…"

"Merlin!" Arthur shouted, which made him flinch because his wound hurt like hell again, but he tried to hide it. "Will you stop mumbling like a crazy person? For God's sake!"

"I am sorry." Merlin whispered.

"Stop saying you are sorry!" Arthur hissed.

"Oh…sorry. I mean, I didn't…um…sorry." Merlin mumbled.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "I will say it to you once and you better listen. For once in your life you have to listen and you have to believe me. Ok?"

Merlin nodded and Arthur continued. "This…what happened….IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. No one is blaming you for this. And you shouldn't blame yourself either."

"But _I_ did stub you Arthur. _I_ tried to kill you." Merlin protested.

"It wasn't you. It was whoever Morgana wanted to create. You had no emotion, for God's sake. How could you tell that killing me was wrong? It wasn't in your power to stop Morgana or what she did to you."

"But I could have…"

"…done NOTHING! You can't believe everything is your fault unless you also believe you are all powerful." Arthur said, more calmly this time.

Merlin gave Arthur the same look that had every time Arthur was saying something surprising or that have some importance at least to Merlin. It was like Merlin was saying to Arthur silently that he was proud of him, he was his friend and at the moment he was the most important person in the world.

"I am just glad you are ok." Merlin said in a low voice.

Arthur sighed "That makes both of us. Have you by the way done anything while I was…sleeping?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your job…Like polishing my armour, cleaning the room…."

Merlin chuckled. "I was pretty occupied I am afraid."

"Always with an excuse Merlin."

"I am on it, Sire." Merlin replied smiling and he turned around to leave the room.

"Merlin…can I ask you something?" Arthur said seriously this time.

The manservant simply turned around again. Arthur looked at him for a moment, like he was trying to figure out whether he should ask something Merlin or not.

"In the cave…You told me that…I don't know who you are, because you haven't told me. And you haven't told me because you are afraid of my reaction. What is that supposed to mean, Merlin? You know you can tell me anything right? You know you can trust me." Arthur asked with steady voice. He was so eager to know the answer, but on the other hand he didn't.

Merlin goggled his eyes, surprised by the question, but he completely controlled himself. "Um…I don't know. It was probably…um…Morgana's words. I really don't know what that supposed to mean." He chuckled nervously. "I mean…you don't think I hide anything, do you? I don't have secrets. Not from you."

If Arthur was satisfied by Merlin's answer he didn't saw it. He seemed disappointed even. He just nodded to Merlin and the manservant rushed out of the room, like it was a matter of life or death to get out there.

He was really scared. Of himself. How easily he could lie to Arthur. He was scared because now he knew that he had to lose more things that he had thought. His friendship with Arthur. He always knew that in one way or another. Every time Arthur called him his friend, he knew by hiding who he was, he wasn't just betraying his dreams for Albion, but his friend as well. But it never seemed important. Or Merlin pretended it didn't.

One thing was certain. Whatever would happen now, with Morgana knowing and all, his friendship with Arthur would be gone if he ever found out about his magic, his secret, his lies.

And maybe that moment could come sooner than he thought.


End file.
